Privacy vs Secrecy!! Where do we draw the line????

It has been a busy week, between work and family, I am exhausted. This Saturday I decided to do house chores early, so that I could relax for the rest of the day. Yes I still do those. Now it's me time, yaay!!

This week I want us to chat about privacy in relationships. Some of us are married, some is serious relationships. We do almost everything with our partners, from living together, having the same circle of friends, attending the same church, and just hanging out as partners. Although it's impossible to share every detail on the events that happened in your day with your spouse, we usually share what we feel was important. The privacy issue often comes up from people. My question is, how do we differentiate between privacy and secrecy in these relationships, where do we draw the line between the two?

I often read statements from other fellow women on social media, statements like `` a woman should not touch her man's phone", this is apparently to avoid finding out something they shouldn't, and in the process getting hurt. I get puzzeld with the fact that women promote this mindset. If people are married, why should they hide things from one another? I have a big problem with that. I understand the whoe thing about privacy, we have to respect each other's privacy as a couple, but when there are lies involved, can we still say that's privacy? Or is it secrecy?

In most of these cases, privacy is used as an excuse to hide secrets and infidelity from the other partner. Unfortunately, although this affects most men and women, it's particularly common in women. Respecting your partner's privacy means that you value then enough not to dig through everything that they do, trusting them to do the right thing.

Secrecy destroys marriages and relationships in general. Once trust is broken, even if people may forgive each other, things never truly go back to the way they were before. Many women are stuck in these relationships, they contionue to justify their partner's actions with the hope that things will get better, until it's too late. I acknowledge that some men also go through similar challenges, my focus is on women now because these issues affect them more. This is quite common in South Africa, where women are expected to respect their husbands and not question them too much. In some cultures and religions, questioning your husband is seen as a sign of disrespect to the husband, but this is a topic for another day.

The bible says, when a man and a woman are joined together in marriage, they become one. If people are one, why do they find the need to keep secrets from one another? Today, I want you o think about that. Are you allowing secrets to rule in your marriage and convincing yourself that it is privacy? Being secretive is a recipe for disaster in a relationship or marriage. It builds walls between partners.

Privacy on the otherhand is good, it enhances healthy boundaries in a marriage. Just as an example, my husband and I share almost everything, we have access to each other's phones, but that does not mean we have to dig through each other's messages and social media accounts. We respect each other's privacy, if I need to use his phone, I ask and he does the same. We've established healthy boundaries, and it works for us. We still maintain our identities so as not to lose ourselves in the marriage. With secrecy, there is always a negative motive behind it. This is because someone always ends up getting hurt when there is secrecy between two people. This is why we have to have a clear disctinction between the two, and not confuse them.

We all want healthy and loving relationships, but this takes commitment between the two parties.

Respect, communication, and being comfortable with your spouse can go a long way in making your marriage fun, also in making it last. Being honest in your marriage contrubutes a great deal to the success of the partnership. Secrecy and lies create a distance, partners drift apart, and homes get destroyed.

I am not a relationship specialist yet, but I encourage you to seek professional help with your spouse if the need arises. I just wanted to share my thoughts around this privacy issue that is misunderstood so much. It is important to be honest with your partner from the beginning, married or not.

Santosh Kalwar once said, "Trust starts with truth and ends with truth". Be happy, be honest, and love your partners as you love yourselves. I wish you nothing but happiness!!!!

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Enjoy the weekend and have a great week ahead!!